Anger.

Anger.I hate it when people have this knack of disappointing you. It’s unfair. And when you’re loyal and everything, everyone seems to just want that person that is disloyal to them. I mean you have no control over that person wanting to be done wrong again and again. And I get looked at as wrong for being angry about it. Being called hateful…. but I’m not being hateful. I’m just angry. And angry?Well, I am!I just want to move far far away. I want to move so badly that I could cry. It’s so frustrating. It’s so frustrating that I can’t control someone from making a bad decision, knowing full well that person’s toxic and is just going cause them to drink and drink more. It’s unfair!I can’t control the fact that I’m not worth maintaining a relationship with. It’s so frustrating. I don’t know what to do anymore… I just want to blow away and never come back.I’ve cried about it.I’ve gone into a room and cried in a corner.I’ve listened to music.Nothing is helping anymore!

Where Do I Sit?

I’ve been getting sad lately. I don’t know where I sit, in a house all by myself, and I wish I did.While in school, there were people who at least had a crowd and a group of people to roll with.My sister and I never had that.At this point I don’t think I’ll ever know where I sit. And it just makes me sad.Why can’t I just be accepted? When will I ever get to hangout with anyone I don’t feel awkward with? It’s so frustrating.I get angry but then I just get sad about it, and I don’t think it’ll ever change. Even if it’s this small part of me that has hope, I just find myself always feeling this way. And at this point, I either need to get really used to it or stay home.Where do I sit, in a house, all by myself?I don’t know. And I still don’t think I ever will.

I Can’t Make You Love Me, And I Won’t Try to Either

Summer Refining

June is almost over and I guess I’m kind of happy with the progress I’ve made in what I’ve wanted to accomplish this summer, so far. But not with the sims 4 series, that are still kind of in development hell since my computer’ s drive, had decided to give out.

Also, I’m refining my skills on the piano. But that’s hard, too. When I still am having a hard time reading music. I get so hopeless, frustrated, and down about it. I don’t even know what to do anymore. Also, I’ve taken a break with lessons. I’m not even sure the lessons are helpful anymore. So at this point, I’m just going to continue learning to read music. I can’t have things get away from me, no matter how bad I feel.

I don’t want to look back years from now, and come to resent myself for not learning something I feel passionate about. I like the piano and the beautiful music you can create from it, but it’s just the obstacles that are getting in the way.

Then there’s the writing, that seems a bit more hopeful than anything else. I feel like I’ll get some stories done. Even though, I know no one is reading them. Sure, it’s not the best feeling in the world but I have to persevere and continue refining my skill.

I just wish something would finally pay off.

Two Places At Once

 

Two Places At Once

 

I wish I could do that

Be in two places, at the same time

Be in one place, doing my own thing

Be at another place, causing destruction

to the people I loath

And I don’t even know it

 

 

Cuz that’s what my enemy is doing,

Causing me to self-destruct

Knowing they’re somewhere else

Yet, they’re able to cause destruction

Without even being here

 

 

I wish I could do that

Be in two places at the same time

Leaving a person in misery

Over feelings that haven’t been shed,

caused by me, staying in the person’s memory,

Leaving them embittered and small

 

 

While I do nothing but sit inside myself

Living and that is all.

 

 

I wish I could do that

I wish I could be in two places

at the same time

 

 

Yeah, I wish I could do that.

 

 

They would love seeing you this way.

Keep saying that wise one,

You’re right, yes my enemy would.

 

 

But like nothing lasts forever,

My enemy’s power won’t either.

And that is all.

 

 

 

Sad Childhood Memories: Speech Lady

“In the life of everyone there is a limited number of experiences which are not written upon the memory, but stamped there with a die; and in the long years after, they can be called up in detail, and every emotion that was stirred by them can be lived through anew; these are the tragedies of life.”

— James Weldon Johnson

It was Pre-K, and Yanna (my twin sister) and I were doing speech.

I remember what we were doing; the speech lady had taken us to an activity room with this black recorder thing sitting on the table, she had me and my twin sister take turns wearing the headphones. But I remembered her saying,

“If you hear a beep, lift your hand. If you don’t hear a beat do not lift your hand.”

I can recall not listening to her protocol. I kept lifting my hand when there wasn’t a beep. I don’t remember if I was being stubborn in the beginning, but I always feel as if it were an honest mistake in the beginning—me lifting my hand when there wasn’t a beep.

I can remember the lady being mean to me as I kept lifting my hand when there wasn’t a beep, telling me that I couldn’t listen and that I was being bad.

But when Yanna did it, she lift her hand when it beeped, and the speech lady congratulated her and everything.

“See, she’s being good. You’re not.”

Regardless of how I might have behaved. I always feel as if the speech lady had been harsh to 4-year old me, cuz her saying those things, still affect me today.

It makes me sad whenever I think about it.

❝the time when I put on my father’s glasses…” by Meia Reid

Everyone has one, right? Even if you’ve never met him in your life, it didn’t take one person to make you.

Let me begin…

Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Body Dysmorphic Disorder – A mental illness involving obsessive focus on a perceived flaw in appearance.

BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder) is rarely talked about.

What happened to me, was I had been messing with my teeth and scrutinizing myself in the mirror, and the next thing you know my jaw hurts. And, since my jaw hurt I thought i had made my face asymmetrical. Messed my face up.

My jaws looked uneven.

it was intense.

It’s like all the confidence I had for my face went out the window when I saw that my face was asymmetrical, I thought I was ugly. It was like basic training for me, it was like the BDD was tearing me down but at the same I had to build myself back up.

It was like YOU or ME amplified. Like every time I looked in the mirror, BDD was staring back at me and saying, “You are either gonna let ME ruin your life, or YOU are going to overcome this bump in your life.”

I had to make a decision.

It was like I was Narcissus (and I would stare at my face for hours) and I still wouldn’t be happy about my face. The breaking point I would compare to is when Narcissus had fallen into the water. I felt as if I I’d fallen into a dark ocean of water and was drowning… but when I went to therapy, got pills, and accepted my face for what it was. I saw that my face hadn’t always been perfect before this. That it’d always been a little asymmetrical. But that not everyone is perfect. Not even models or celebrities.

Now…

I’m starting to see myself as beautiful again. Slowly but surely.

I’d dealt with it for 3-4 months. It wasn’t long. But boy, it felt long.

Yeah it’s a process, and I might not look at myself the same as I had before. But that’s not a bad thing. I’ve learned from it. And I can say I have more confidence about myself than I did before.

Ironic enough.

Besides it’s not about how you saw yourself before, it’s about how it’s transformed you and made you a better person now than you were before whatever bad thing had come into your life.

I don’t know, but I have feeling that when I see my as beautiful again. That I won’t feel 100% beautiful but 115% beautiful (inside and out). Counting from the stuff I’ve learned along this journey and things have accomplished and better’d myself at.

BADE + SOLARIS [COMPLETED]

Bade + Solaris

Summary:

Solaris Monroe loved the moon. Bade Sommers loved to run, track. At school they were people who never seemed to cross paths. She knew who he was, and in some weird way, he knew who she was. But they both didn’t know that. On the last day of school, their town experiences a black out. No lights, no electricity. Trying to stay cool, they both wander around town together. And in the process they get to know each other, and soon, sparks fly. But what happens when the blackout is over, and everything goes back to normal? Will they go their separate ways and never see each other again, or will their paths cross like before?

A/N: should I post the story on here?

Read here!

All rights reserved.

Copyright © 2016 by Meia and Yuna Reid

The Greatest book trailer

WATCH IN HD! Here’s another trailer I made.