I often wonder where I sit, in a house all by myself
Upstairs in my bed, or with my legs pulled up to my chin?
I am small, I am tall, which one can I be?
I am beginning to doubt my strength and size
What will I do, if tomorrow, comes for me?
disclaimer: I don’t any of the clips/song used in this video. But the final product is mine.
Etty’s Dark Side of the Moon
Etty Williams is still recovering from her BDD episode she had in the summer. She doesn’t think she’s beautiful.
But when she sees popular jock Pierce Sanders get his nose broken from Carter Lynon, by getting punched in the face. She sees the effect it has it on him. She notices the many times he goes to the bathroom. She know what he does in there. He stares at his face and manifests about his crooked nose. So, she knows what kind of road he’s going down. And she makes it her mission to help him and to lift him up. And Pierce, though he never noticed Etty. He starts to see the real beauty in things. That a thing like Etty is rare. And to teach her that the right side of her face isn’t the dark side of the moon. Feelings will surface.
Body Dysmorphic Disorder – A mental illness involving obsessive focus on a perceived flaw in appearance.
BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder) is rarely talked about.
What happened to me, was I had been messing with my teeth and scrutinizing myself in the mirror, and the next thing you know my jaw hurts. And, since my jaw hurt I thought i had made my face asymmetrical. Messed my face up.
My jaws looked uneven.
it was intense.
It’s like all the confidence I had for my face went out the window when I saw that my face was asymmetrical, I thought I was ugly. It was like basic training for me, it was like the BDD was tearing me down but at the same I had to build myself back up.
It was like YOU or ME amplified. Like every time I looked in the mirror, BDD was staring back at me and saying, “You are either gonna let ME ruin your life, or YOU are going to overcome this bump in your life.”
I had to make a decision.
It was like I was Narcissus (and I would stare at my face for hours) and I still wouldn’t be happy about my face. The breaking point I would compare to is when Narcissus had fallen into the water. I felt as if I I’d fallen into a dark ocean of water and was drowning… but when I went to therapy, got pills, and accepted my face for what it was. I saw that my face hadn’t always been perfect before this. That it’d always been a little asymmetrical. But that not everyone is perfect. Not even models or celebrities.
I’m starting to see myself as beautiful again. Slowly but surely.
I’d dealt with it for 3-4 months. It wasn’t long. But boy, it felt long.
Yeah it’s a process, and I might not look at myself the same as I had before. But that’s not a bad thing. I’ve learned from it. And I can say I have more confidence about myself than I did before.
Besides it’s not about how you saw yourself before, it’s about how it’s transformed you and made you a better person now than you were before whatever bad thing had come into your life.
I don’t know, but I have feeling that when I see my as beautiful again. That I won’t feel 100% beautiful but 115% beautiful (inside and out). Counting from the stuff I’ve learned along this journey and things have accomplished and better’d myself at.
Bade + Solaris
Solaris Monroe loved the moon. Bade Sommers loved to run, track. At school they were people who never seemed to cross paths. She knew who he was, and in some weird way, he knew who she was. But they both didn’t know that. On the last day of school, their town experiences a black out. No lights, no electricity. Trying to stay cool, they both wander around town together. And in the process they get to know each other, and soon, sparks fly. But what happens when the blackout is over, and everything goes back to normal? Will they go their separate ways and never see each other again, or will their paths cross like before?
A/N: should I post the story on here?
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Copyright © 2016 by Meia and Yuna Reid
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❝Sometimes it seems like we’re all living in some kind of prison. And the crime is how much we hate ourselves. It’s good to get really dressed up once in a while. And admit the truth: that when you really look closely? People are so strange and so complicated that they’re actually… beautiful. Possibly even me.❞
– Angela (My So-Called Life)
❝The Prison Cell❞
There’s this girl who’s locked inside this prison cell with only a shattered glass mirror to keep her company. And she decides that she brought everything onto herself.
The prison. The broken mirror. The torture.