❝the time when I put on my father’s glasses…” by Meia Reid

❝the time when I put on my father’s glasses…” by Meia Reid

img_2996

Everyone has one, right? Even if you’ve never met him in your life, it didn’t take one person to make you.

Let me begin…

Read more

Advertisements
Like Narcissus, I’d Fallen Into the Water

Like Narcissus, I’d Fallen Into the Water

I took a glance at my beautiful face in the water,

I saw a flawless face and that was all that mattered.


But like narcissus I stared at my reflection too long,


And into the water I’d fallen, trying to hold on.


All rights reserved.


Copyright © 2016 by Meia and Yuna Reid

Even if I Get Better… Things Won’t.

Even if I Get Better… Things Won’t.

I’ve realized that no matter what, that no matter if I’m bettering myself, everything around me remains the same.

It’s good when things are the same, but when everyone around you has been in some sort of funk following the patterns in which they only know how to cope, it gets frustrating and very overwhelming.

Just because I’m getting better, doesn’t mean things around me are.
There’s days where I think there’s no use in getting up from bed. I’ll be treated the same, I’ll do the same things that I do everyday, and nothing will change.
I wish I could float away…

Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Body Dysmorphic Disorder – A mental illness involving obsessive focus on a perceived flaw in appearance.

BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder) is rarely talked about.

What happened to me, was I had been messing with my teeth and scrutinizing myself in the mirror, and the next thing you know my jaw hurts. And, since my jaw hurt I thought i had made my face asymmetrical. Messed my face up.

My jaws looked uneven.

it was intense.

It’s like all the confidence I had for my face went out the window when I saw that my face was asymmetrical, I thought I was ugly. It was like basic training for me, it was like the BDD was tearing me down but at the same I had to build myself back up.

It was like YOU or ME amplified. Like every time I looked in the mirror, BDD was staring back at me and saying, “You are either gonna let ME ruin your life, or YOU are going to overcome this bump in your life.”

I had to make a decision.

It was like I was Narcissus (and I would stare at my face for hours) and I still wouldn’t be happy about my face. The breaking point I would compare to is when Narcissus had fallen into the water. I felt as if I I’d fallen into a dark ocean of water and was drowning… but when I went to therapy, got pills, and accepted my face for what it was. I saw that my face hadn’t always been perfect before this. That it’d always been a little asymmetrical. But that not everyone is perfect. Not even models or celebrities.

Now…

I’m starting to see myself as beautiful again. Slowly but surely.

I’d dealt with it for 3-4 months. It wasn’t long. But boy, it felt long.

Yeah it’s a process, and I might not look at myself the same as I had before. But that’s not a bad thing. I’ve learned from it. And I can say I have more confidence about myself than I did before.

Ironic enough.

Besides it’s not about how you saw yourself before, it’s about how it’s transformed you and made you a better person now than you were before whatever bad thing had come into your life.

I don’t know, but I have feeling that when I see my as beautiful again. That I won’t feel 100% beautiful but 115% beautiful (inside and out). Counting from the stuff I’ve learned along this journey and things have accomplished and better’d myself at.

❝The Prison Cell❞

❝The Prison Cell❞

❝Sometimes it seems like we’re all living in some kind of prison. And the crime is how much we hate ourselves. It’s good to get really dressed up once in a while. And admit the truth: that when you really look closely? People are so strange and so complicated that they’re actually… beautiful. Possibly even me.❞

– Angela (My So-Called Life)

❝The Prison Cell❞

There’s this girl who’s locked inside this prison cell with only a shattered glass mirror to keep her company. And she decides that she brought everything onto herself.

The prison. The broken mirror. The torture.

Read more

Is my island home waiting for me?

Is my island home waiting for me?

 

Is my island home really waiting for me?

I doubt it. Wait, I don’t—I don’t know. I wish there was just a place where everything settled on okay.

Relationships will be okay not broken.
Fitting in will be okay not hard.

Having complete faith in knowing I’ll be okay, and not be defeated.

But… just when I think everything’s going okay, it’s not. Don’t worry, I don’t try to have high expectations for things when they have the potential of disappointing me. And nothing’s perfect. Nothing’s ever perfect.

But will I ever find that home? My island home where I’ll feel welcomed and complete inside and out. Where things won’t be perfect, but okay… cuz they’ll just have to be. Yet, I’ll be happy and secure.

I… I don’t know.