Posted in realization


Anger.I hate it when people have this knack of disappointing you. It’s unfair. And when you’re loyal and everything, everyone seems to just want that person that is disloyal to them. I mean you have no control over that person wanting to be done wrong again and again. And I get looked at as wrong for being angry about it. Being called hateful…. but I’m not being hateful. I’m just angry. And angry?Well, I am!I just want to move far far away. I want to move so badly that I could cry. It’s so frustrating. It’s so frustrating that I can’t control someone from making a bad decision, knowing full well that person’s toxic and is just going cause them to drink and drink more. It’s unfair!I can’t control the fact that I’m not worth maintaining a relationship with. It’s so frustrating. I don’t know what to do anymore… I just want to blow away and never come back.I’ve cried about it.I’ve gone into a room and cried in a corner.I’ve listened to music.Nothing is helping anymore!

Posted in Uncategorized

Where Do I Sit?

I’ve been getting sad lately. I don’t know where I sit, in a house all by myself, and I wish I did.While in school, there were people who at least had a crowd and a group of people to roll with.My sister and I never had that.At this point I don’t think I’ll ever know where I sit. And it just makes me sad.Why can’t I just be accepted? When will I ever get to hangout with anyone I don’t feel awkward with? It’s so frustrating.I get angry but then I just get sad about it, and I don’t think it’ll ever change. Even if it’s this small part of me that has hope, I just find myself always feeling this way. And at this point, I either need to get really used to it or stay home.Where do I sit, in a house, all by myself?I don’t know. And I still don’t think I ever will.

Posted in realization

Summer Refining

June is almost over and I guess I’m kind of happy with the progress I’ve made in what I’ve wanted to accomplish this summer, so far. But not with the sims 4 series, that are still kind of in development hell since my computer’ s drive, had decided to give out.

Also, I’m refining my skills on the piano. But that’s hard, too. When I still am having a hard time reading music. I get so hopeless, frustrated, and down about it. I don’t even know what to do anymore. Also, I’ve taken a break with lessons. I’m not even sure the lessons are helpful anymore. So at this point, I’m just going to continue learning to read music. I can’t have things get away from me, no matter how bad I feel.

I don’t want to look back years from now, and come to resent myself for not learning something I feel passionate about. I like the piano and the beautiful music you can create from it, but it’s just the obstacles that are getting in the way.

Then there’s the writing, that seems a bit more hopeful than anything else. I feel like I’ll get some stories done. Even though, I know no one is reading them. Sure, it’s not the best feeling in the world but I have to persevere and continue refining my skill.

I just wish something would finally pay off.