❝allan tanner has no home❞ (a l l a n t a n n e r)

❝The ache for home lives in all of us. The safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.❞

– Maya Angelou

warning: contains swearing

Drinking is fun.

I love the way it makes all my worries go away.

Once I think of something bad, I turn to the bottle of liquor in the cabinet, and soon enough all bad is gone.

I wish all the bad would be gone permanently. But it isn’t.

Mom coming back won’t help that. My brother Rhys, the overachiever, disappearing won’t help that. And Dad being gone from my life, won’t help that. He’s who I live with, and continues to make my life worse.

Right now, we’re fishing. We sit in silence, with our fishing rods in the pond. The silence really isn’t that comfortable if I want to be honest with myself. I don’t know whether or not he’s going to blow up on me, if we were ever going to catch any fish, or if the fishing trip would end badly.

“Son,” Dad says, “Are you thinking about college?”

I shrug and continue to stare out at the pond. Regardless of my answer, Dad would still find a way to compare me to Rhys. It’s that easy for him.

“Well, you need to start thinking about college. I don’t want a low-life lounging around in my house.” He says this with an edge to his voice. “You should be more like your brother who wanted to get out the house once he hit college age, and become something.”

He wanted to get away from you, I think.

I want to get away from Dad, but I don’t think I can, even after I turn eighteen. My school grades aren’t looking the best. I drink too much. And I just can’t see myself leaving Andersville.

Dad would agree with me if I told him this.

:: :: ::

I rub at the red mark on my face furiously, as Dad screams at me for dropping the fish in the lake. “What the hell?” He yells. “C’mon, Allan, you need to show me how smart you are! Not dumb!”

He raises his hand again, and I don’t know if it’s out of frustration or if he want’s to hit me again. But I try not to flinch, though I brace myself inwardly. Telling myself mentally, “It won’t hurt.”

He doesn’t hit me. Instead he walks away, leaving me, but not before making me clean and put up all the fishing things.

All the way home he makes me feel like shit. He calls me a couple names, and even nudges me obnoxiously. I am not trying to get angry, but it’s hard not to.

“You’re just like your mother,” he chides, “Just like your no good, dumb mother. I wonder why I ever married her.”

I curl and uncurl my fist. I’m not thinking to hit Dad, nor do I have the balls to hit him.

When we reach a stoplight, and Dad’s still rambling, and picking on me. I open the car door and step out the truck. I need to leave badly, before anything got out of hand.

I hear him call my name a couple times, but I don’t look back, or stop, or do anything he tells me to. I need a break.

I decide to go to my cousin Riley’s house. I don’t necessarily know if she is home, but I do know if she was home she’d let me stay awhile. Her mom was rather fish wife-ish, and I hope to not see her.

I ring the doorbell and stand at the door for a couple minutes. The door opens finally after those minutes pass, and there before me, is my cousin Riley. She has a tissue in her hand, but kinda smiles when she sees me. Opening the screen door, she asks me, “So, what brings you here Allan?”

I shrug, shifting my feet. “Uh, I thought to just stop by.”

She nods, and kinda smiles at me again. “Oh, that’s great. C’min.”

I follow her inside to the kitchen. She has me sit down, I gladly do. “Do you want anything to eat?” She inquiries. “‘Cause, there’s some leftover pizza, or cake.”

I opt for the cake.

She opens the the container, that’s covering the cake, on the counter. It’s a chocolate cake it looks like; Devil’s food cake.

“It isn’t old or anything,” Riley explains handing me a plate with a square piece of cake on it, “Someone brought me it over yesterday.”

“Was it your birthday yesterday?” I ask, with a piece of cake already in my mouth.

“No, it’s not until October.”

Her eyes start to swell up with tears again. She apologizes and abruptly gets up from the table. “Excuse me.”

I wonder what’s the matter with her. Did a guy dump her, or is she going through a break up? I wonder what could be the matter regarding her over-emotional actions.

After a little while, I finish my cake and get up from the table. I don’t know whether or not I should tell Riley bye, but in some way, I know she does not want to be bothered. Besides, I wouldn’t be the best person to comfort her right now.

Once I’m back outside, I realize I still don’t want to go home–to my dad. I could spend a night over at my best friend Charlie’s place, but he’s out spending time with his dad.

Then there’s Dory. I don’t know where she lives though. Nor do I know where Sidney Shorter lives either. They’re my friends I guess too. It sucks that I don’t know where they live, I wish I did.

Oh, and then there’s Blayze, my cousin. No, I can’t do his place either. His dad, my uncle, I don’t like. Him and my mom messed around on each of their partners with each other, and sometimes, I don’t really know what to think of that. Yeah, I know that Dad isn’t the best guy, but my aunt is pretty cool. She didn’t need to be cheated on.

After all that thinking, I still can’t find a place to chill at. I don’t want to go home, and see my dad. He’s most-likely drinking right now, and might not want to have anything to do with me.

You know, I wish I didn’t live here–in Andersville that is. I wish I lived with my mom. I don’t think she’d mind me staying with her. Last time I checked, she was living in California.

But the thing is I’m not even sure my mom wants me.

I want a drink right now. I really do.

A glass of Crown Royal seems good right now, or a good beer. But I really like the expensive shit Dad buys.

I laugh and sit down on the sidewalk, both of my feet on the street. I’m a couple houses away from Riley’s house.

I’m thinking right now about going home. I really want to. But I can’t, because there’s Dad.

Do I really have a home?

:: :: ::

A/N: Tell me what you guys think.

Please comment below and I’ll surely reply.

:: :: ::

All rights reserved.

Copyright © 2016 by Meia and Yuna Reid

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2 thoughts on “❝allan tanner has no home❞ (a l l a n t a n n e r)

    • Thank you so much for commenting and the compliments! And you’re absolutely right. You know, sometimes a person has to build a home for themselves in order to survive, and to not feel so lonely.

      Liked by 1 person

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