Anger.I hate it when people have this knack of disappointing you. It’s unfair. And when you’re loyal and everything, everyone seems to just want that person that is disloyal to them. I mean you have no control over that person wanting to be done wrong again and again. And I get looked at as wrong for being angry about it. Being called hateful…. but I’m not being hateful. I’m just angry. And angry?Well, I am!I just want to move far far away. I want to move so badly that I could cry. It’s so frustrating. It’s so frustrating that I can’t control someone from making a bad decision, knowing full well that person’s toxic and is just going cause them to drink and drink more. It’s unfair!I can’t control the fact that I’m not worth maintaining a relationship with. It’s so frustrating. I don’t know what to do anymore… I just want to blow away and never come back.I’ve cried about it.I’ve gone into a room and cried in a corner.I’ve listened to music.Nothing is helping anymore!
I’ve been getting sad lately. I don’t know where I sit, in a house all by myself, and I wish I did.While in school, there were people who at least had a crowd and a group of people to roll with.My sister and I never had that.At this point I don’t think I’ll ever know where I sit. And it just makes me sad.Why can’t I just be accepted? When will I ever get to hangout with anyone I don’t feel awkward with? It’s so frustrating.I get angry but then I just get sad about it, and I don’t think it’ll ever change. Even if it’s this small part of me that has hope, I just find myself always feeling this way. And at this point, I either need to get really used to it or stay home.Where do I sit, in a house, all by myself?I don’t know. And I still don’t think I ever will.
June is almost over and I guess I’m kind of happy with the progress I’ve made in what I’ve wanted to accomplish this summer, so far. But not with the sims 4 series, that are still kind of in development hell since my computer’ s drive, had decided to give out.
Also, I’m refining my skills on the piano. But that’s hard, too. When I still am having a hard time reading music. I get so hopeless, frustrated, and down about it. I don’t even know what to do anymore. Also, I’ve taken a break with lessons. I’m not even sure the lessons are helpful anymore. So at this point, I’m just going to continue learning to read music. I can’t have things get away from me, no matter how bad I feel.
I don’t want to look back years from now, and come to resent myself for not learning something I feel passionate about. I like the piano and the beautiful music you can create from it, but it’s just the obstacles that are getting in the way.
Then there’s the writing, that seems a bit more hopeful than anything else. I feel like I’ll get some stories done. Even though, I know no one is reading them. Sure, it’s not the best feeling in the world but I have to persevere and continue refining my skill.
I just wish something would finally pay off.